


It Feels like a Thousand Eyes

by jitterygummy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Anniversary, F/M, Kylo is a dumbass, Self-Exile, each chapter is a year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:42:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21903919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jitterygummy/pseuds/jitterygummy
Summary: "I lie awake and watch it all. It feels like thousand eyes" - Of Monsters and MenWhen Kylo Ren defects to the Resistance, he and Rey feel as if a thousand eyes are upon them. After all, a lot can happen over the course of a year.Re-post from 2017.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey
Comments: 2
Kudos: 88





	1. Year I

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from my 2017 submission to the Reylo Fanfiction Anthology.

"And that brings us to yesterday's encounter. Green Squadron intercepted two supply ships that turned out to be more heavily armed than we thought. They tried to take the supplies for us, but we lost a pilot before Commander Seastriker pulled them out."

The young officer cleared his throat uncomfortably, the blue holo of the deceased pilot flickering behind him. General Organa leaned forward, tapping a datapad. Her unease radiated throughout the room. "Do we know where those supply ships were coming and going?"

The officer nervously glanced at his own datapad. "Coming from Thabeska. They were intercepted by the Roche asteroid field, so they could've be going anywhere in the trade route."

Organa nodded slowly, the screen of her datapad reflecting in her eyes as she flicked through the information. "Thank you, Lieutenant. We will advise the fleet with this information."

The officer nodded and gave a nervous little salute before nearly tripping himself as he left the room. The higher ranked officers around the table leaned back in their chairs, muttering among themselves before one tapped his own datapad. The blue holo shuddered before displaying a map of the trade route. "They could've been going to Quermia. It's just past that asteroid field they were caught near. If they were that heavily armed." He paused and looked around the table conspiratorially. "I doubt it was just a supply run."

Another, a Nemoidian, nodded sagely. "A rescue mission."

Rey leaned forward to make eye contact with the Nemoidian, trying to make herself look as much like a powerful Force user as possible. "To rescue whom, Colonel? There are no First Order prisoners on the Quermia base."

The room fell silent, and Rey nearly thought her unspoken threat had worked when she barely caught a murmur. "Ren."

Those who had personally fought against Kylo Ren stiffened and exchanged looks. Others who had fought with him in the Resistance's most successful battle on Chandrila shook their heads and leaned forward to join Rey's stare. She took a slow breath through her nose, trying to remember Luke's words to calm herself before speaking. "As a few of your _esteemed_ colleagues mentioned before Ren was even stationed at Quermia, he has proven himself in battle for us. The Knights of Ren are gone because of him, giving us an easier path to a weakened First Order."

The Nemodian's skin seemed to tighten across his skull. "So he says."

"You doubt the combined Force powers of Master Skywalker and Rey?" Poe Dameron leaned forward, waving his hand in the air dismissively. "The mystical mumbo-jumbo may be weird and incomprehensible to many of us, but they both confirm that the Knights of Ren are no longer present in the Force." He cleared his throat and nodded at General Organa. "As does our general who we _know and trust_ to lead us in this war."

A thick silence hung in the air.

Rey curled her hands into fists and pulled slow breaths through her nose. Her lightsaber hung invitingly at her hip, calling for her to activate it in a display of power to those who doubted Kylo Ren's loyalties, over a year after he had defected from the First Order.

She chewed her inner lip. A display of power would have worked nicely against other scavengers on Jakku, but not in a room already mistrustful of Force users.

An officer sitting at the end of the long table cleared her throat and tapped a datapad, making the blue holo at the front of the room change its display to an inventory list. She tossed long, blonde hair that had a few spots of black grease tangled among the strands over her shoulder. "Since _that_ discussion is over. Someone tracked in Coruscant granite slugs that've taken to munching on exterior durasteel of the Y-wings."

A few of the pilots around the table gave nervous smiles and began teasing each other about who brought the slugs in. Rey slipped out of the conference room, grinding her teeth together as she stalked down the hall.

Those _kriffing_ meetings were tedious. They could just send out a briefing to those who needed it; it was a waste of time to get everyone in a room so that they could just end up arguing more often than not about Kylo Ren. An argument that had been supposedly settled for a year. They could be doing much more important things, like winning a war.

A part of her screamed to just return to her AT-AT. She had never wanted to be in a conflict, let alone somehow become a major player. Stars, she could even smuggle preserved food from the base's kitchens to keep herself fed for years. But despite her instincts telling her to look out for herself, the past year had shown her that she had the power to help others, not to mention with a lightsaber in hand, it would be much too easy to scare off other scavengers and Plutt himself. And she liked a challenge.

Rey's feet carried her down the familiar halls without direction from her conscious thought. She passed the room where she and Luke had meditated every morning before he went off to find the secrets of Snoke. Two corners and another long hall made her slow, and she paused by the room where Ren, in cuffs, had given all the information he knew on the First Order to the highest-ranked members of the Resistance.

Ren.

She covered her mouth with her fingertips and moved away from the room. She still woke in the dark of night with the feel of his lips on hers after their first and only kiss. The look on his face, the crackle in the Force as he had allowed the Light Side into his heart during battle.

She was standing in front of an X-wing. The viewport hinged perpendicular in the air, and Rey's hands were pulling her up and into the cockpit before the rational side of her mind could stop her. Her fingers flipped automatically through the startup sequences, and she barely heard the shout from some mechanic before she coaxed the ship a few meters in the air and out the hangar.

A small voice yelled from the headpiece hanging from a small hook by her knee. She ripped its connecting wire out of the dashboard and punched the ship into hyperspace the moment she left the atmosphere. The stars blurred through the viewport, and she watched them race past, suddenly aware of her heart thudding in her chest. Her rational mind finally wrestled back control as she leaned back against the backrest.

Kriff.

She had stolen a starfighter. Granted, as a Force-user, she had more access than most of the Resistance officers did to ships, but she still needed to notify General Organa of her movements so that the fleet and Resistance pockets throughout the galaxy could coordinate strikes. She would be shipped out to another base with no hope of even talking with Ren.

The comm system blinked, and a blue holo flickered to life on her left. Poe frowned at her, his image blinking several times as the system struggled to stay connected to a starfighter flying hundreds of lightyears per minute. "Rey? What're you doing? You're scheduled to raid the Geonosis base tomorrow."

Rey's finger hovered over the button to shut off the comm system. "I-I'll be back tomorrow morning in time for the launch."

"As much as I hate to admit it, sleeping _is_ a thing we humans should do instead of flying a ship all night," Poe answered in a dry tone. His tongue flicked over his lips. "Look, come back in a few minutes, and I'll just log this as a 'Jedi needed some literal space' thing."

"See you tomorrow morning, Poe." The comm system shut down with a click. Rey shifted in the seat and took a deep breath, adjusting her grip on the controls.

Stars, she hated how her every movement was watched. Plutt had been bad enough on Jakku, but that had only been when she was in the outpost. The Resistance knew when she slept, ate, ran through her lightsaber exercises, even when she relieved herself. She just wanted a few hours to herself without thousands of eyes checking to see if Ren's influence had pulled her to the Dark Side.

Her hands stayed clenched around them for the few hours it took for the Starfighter to travel through space and enter the atmosphere of Quermia.

The green and purple of the planet's landscape flew by as she flew toward her destination. Rey's hands relaxed stiffly, and she peered through the viewport to watch the vegetation.

The navigational system gave a soft blip, and Rey slowed the ship as she neared the Quermia Resistance Base. The landing gear lowered with a flip of a switch, and her stomach smacked into the controls when the ship hit the ground in a pertinent display of how not to land a Starfighter gracefully. The viewport flipped open, and she jumped onto the cracked permacrete that passed for the base's landing pad.

She half-walked, half-ran to the base and nearly pushed over a long-necked Quermian dressed in a dark green uniform. He blinked down at her, his red eyes finding the lightsaber clipped to her belt. "Oh. Ah. We weren't expecting anyone…"

"Yeah. Uh. I won't be long." Rey cleared her throat and started down the hall. "Just. Ah. Jedi business, you know."

She walked down the nearest hall. The low level of Force sensitivity of the Resistance members hummed around her as she focused, but she could not feel the presence she wanted. The other half of a bond formed in battle.

Laughter and loud voices drifted from an open door down the hall, and the sounds of utensils scraping against trays and clattering on tables became clearer. Her stomach grumbled, but she brushed aside the feeling. She was used to hunger, and she was there for him, not food.

"Rey."

He stood by the open doorway leading to a brightly lit room. His arms crossed over his chest, and the sleeves of his too-small white shirt stretched across his left bicep and clung to the silver of his right. The real hand clutched a hydrospanner. A few strands of his dark hair had escaped a tie and fell haphazardly over his ear.

Kylo.

She closed the space between them in almost a run, but he held up the hand with the hydrospanner before she could wrap her arms around him. He tilted his head to the side, and Rey looked up to see a holocam positioned near the ceiling. "They don't like when I touch people."

"Try to stop me." Her arms slid around Kylo's middle, and he bent to kiss her briefly.

The corner of his mouth twitched into a half-smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I…" Her fingers tapped the saber at her hip, and his eyes dropped to them. She felt his longing in the Force, his frustration, his loneliness. "There was… this supply shuttle that we intercepted, and Quermia's on the route that it was going on, and people were starting to accuse you, and I just… couldn't take it anymore, and I just _wish_ they could sense the Force, and – "

He cut her off with his lips over hers again. For a blissful five seconds, they kissed as if they needed each other's lips to survive until he strangled a cry and dropped to the floor. The phantom shock raced through Rey, and although it did not knock her down, she dropped to her knees next to Kylo.

He looked dazed, and he blinked up at her rapidly. He let a short laugh. "And I thought they got angry when I just touched people."

Rey's eyes found the cuff around his ankle. A red light blinked quickly. She reached out to brush Kylo's hair out of his face but stopped just centimeters before she touched his skin. "I thought you weren't a prisoner."

Kylo sat up slowly, rubbing his real hand over the side of his head. "Well. I'm not locked in one room, but they keep track of where I am, make sure I don't attack someone, or get too friendly with an oh-so-scary handshake. You know, all the freedoms of a regular person."

His eyes rolled, and Rey snorted before shaking her head. "It's been over a year since you took down that general and surrendered to Organa. I think at this point, you would've already betrayed us if you intended to."

Kylo grunted and rubbed his shoulder where his own flesh ended and the durasteel of his arm began. "I deserve it. I just wish I could help more than fixing old R2 units."

He waved the hydrospanner in the air with a scowl. Rey let out a slow breath and shifted to cross her legs. "Why can't –"

" _Ren._ What are you doing?" A tall Twi'lek with deep red skin that clashed horribly with his orange pilot's uniform stormed down the hall. He glared at Kylo, barely glancing in Rey's direction. "We asked you to fix the non-functional droids."

Kylo frowned up at the Twi'lek, his fingers adjusting their grip on the hydrospanner. "Just recovering from a… shock, Commander."

"Yes, for-for _kissing_ a- ah." The Twi'lek glanced at Rey and did a double take. "Jedi Rey?" His tone and stance shifted as he looked between them. "I – We didn't know you were coming."

"No." Rey got to her feet, crossing her arms over her chest. "You didn't. I felt called by the Force to come here, and since I don't have a mission until tomorrow, I decided to heed it." The Twi'lek opened his mouth to argue, but Rey dropped a hand to her lightsaber. "I'll be leaving in a few hours, but in the meantime I'm afraid I'll need _Ren's_ services."

The Twi'lek's lips twisted in a scowl before he nodded. "Fine. But Ren is a probationary member of this base. He is not allowed outside and is surveilled at all times."

Rey exchanged a look with Kylo before nodding once. "All right. But he _is_ allowed to touch me without a kriffing shock. Stars, that's completely ridiculous. I'll let you know when I leave, Commander."

The Twi'lek nodded and hesitated for a moment before turning and walking back the direction he came. He turned a corner, and Kylo's low laugh grew in volume until Rey felt her own escape her lips. "What?"

He got to his feet and shook his head, shoving the hydrospanner in his pocket so that a fourth of the tool stuck out against his hip. "That's the first time I've seen him speechless." Kylo took her hand with his real one and led her down the hall. "Come on. I know a place where we can talk."

He kept a tight hold on her hand and turned several corners before slowing at a dead end. His thumb jammed a button, and a door creaked as it slid open, revealing an empty slab of permacrete outside. Beyond that, tall trees with leaves swayed in the breeze. Rain fell in a sheet and created puddles in the permacrete's cracks. Although Rey had seen rain on Ahch-to, she still marveled at how water just readily _fell_ from the sky. She stepped out with her hand raised, feeling a childish smile pull at her mouth.

She glanced back at Kylo to pull him out and paused as he lingered by the doorway. He gave a bitter smile and gestured to his ankle where the cuff blinked steadily. He slid to the floor just at the edge of the doorway and pulled his knees to his chest. Her hand hit her leg as it dropped, and she left the gentle patter of raindrops against her skin to sit next to him.

The bitterness faded from Kylo's smile, and he took her hand once again. "It's been a year, you know."

Rey stared uncomprehendingly at Kylo. "A year since…?"

"Since we've… been together." He looked out the door, chewing on his lower lip. "I mean, if you count the six months since I've been here."

"Of course I do." She leaned her head against his shoulder, just as she had done the night he had confessed his feelings for her. She much preferred the sound of rain to the yelling of almost every high-ranking Resistance officer over what to do with Kylo. She could sense his happiness at her being there, although his mind raced with indistinguishable thoughts.

Kylo reached into his pocket and pulled out two smooth stones, one a deep black and the other nearly pure white. "I can't buy anything for you, unless you like the cold caf here, so I've been smoothing these out." He held them out to her, his nervousness settling into her own stomach. "I'm sorry it's not more, but – "

Rey leaned forward and kissed the side of his face. "It's perfect." She examined the white stone, turning it over in his hand. "I think you should have this one. That way we have us with each other even when we're not together."

A rare, full smile spread across face, and he took the white stone carefully. "I like that idea."

They fell into a comfortable silence, listening to the rain fall as they examined the stones.

She blinked at looked up at him as a thought crossed her mind. "Why couldn't I sense you when I got here?"

Kylo pulled in a slow breath and turned his real arm to show her a red portion of his skin in the crook of his elbow. A few dots, some more healed than others, littered the red. "Snoke. It's why the main base was attacked so quickly when I was there. He can feel where I am in the Force." He turned his arm over again and picked at the glove that covered the cybernetic hand. "I've been drugging myself so he can't find me here."

A prickle of unease ran through Rey. "But we were on the same base for months before you came here."

Kylo shrugged. "I think he used his last big firepower to attack, and he was recovering from the loss of Hux." The hand picking at the glove froze, and the hairs rose on the back of Rey's neck. "I was supposed to give myself another dose just after you came. I need – "

The scream of warning alarms drowned his words, and they both jumped to their feet as the roar of TIE fighters preceded the explosion of shots.

"They're here."


	2. Year II

"Dear stars, how much do you weigh?" Rey adjusted Kylo's arm over her shoulder, straining to keep him propped over her. The leg of her trousers was becoming more and more damp.

Kylo's breathing was ragged against her ear, and his severed cybernetic hand snapped and popped angrily near the other. "I think I'll… weigh lighter with less… blood."

Rey looked at him out of the corner of her eye. His skin was alarmingly white under a layer of soot, and his eyes flickered open and shut. She pulled on their bond, trying to convey how much she needed him to _live._ "If you die, Snoke still wins."

"Snoke's dead." He pulled in another ragged breath that sounded like a half-laugh before he hissed. His real hand covered the bleeding wound that marred the lower right side of his abdomen. "Dead."

Something around them creaked, and Rey tugged on Kylo's damaged arm. "I'd like to get out of this Destroyer before it completely sinks and we're also dead. I'm not surviving a battle - _the_ battle - against Snoke just to be buried alive."

He nodded and started again, pointing with his bloody left hand. The burn he had obtained against Snoke was bigger than she thought it had been earlier and was oozing a yellow liquid over the wrecked sleeve. "I think there's a hatch... that we can get out of." He took a few harsh breaths. "If I remember… right."

Rey tore her eyes off Kylo's injury and half-dragged him toward the hatch. She fed what little energy she had through their bond until Kylo stopped again. She gave him a questioning look until he pointed again. "There."

A control panel on the door reflected their shadows from the dim emergency lights. Rey pulled Kylo to the wall next to it and propped him up. Another creak, and she toppled against the panel as the floor tipped. Her arm screamed in protest, confirming her fears that it had broken earlier against Phasma. She smashed her elbow into the panel, and the door shuddered open. A dented escape pod was dark in front of her, but lights filtered through the rounded viewports on its top, reflecting off the sand outside.

They needed to get to those lights, but the kriffing escape pod was an obstacle she did not have the energy to move. Her elbow smarted from the transparisteel of the panel, and she was sure she could not break the reinforced transparisteel on her own, especially with her meager strength.

"Help me up." Kylo's voice was so soft, he had to repeat himself twice. The lights outside cast an ominous shadow over Kylo from where he lay next to the control panel.

Her foot stepped in something liquid that she refused to acknowledge. She knelt and pulled his arm over her shoulder once again, and he let out an agonizing yell as he got to his feet again. "We can't get through the hatch. Even if the panel was working, I can't move the pod. The ship's tilted on top of it."

"Together." Kylo held out his trembling left hand, the Force compressing around them. Rey brought up her own hand, and they thrusted out together. The escape pod snapped and shrieked as it broke off from the Destroyer and skidded through the ground outside.

Rey hobbled out the door with Kylo, her feet sinking into the familiar sands of Jakku. Smoke fogged the air, and Kylo coughed next to her as he struggled through the sand. They traveled five meters from the massive structure of the crashed Star Destroyer before Kylo's cybernetic arm slipped from her shoulders, and he collapsed in a cloud of sand.

Rey went down next to him, flashing back a year – had it been a full year already? – to Quermia. His energy was fading from the bond, and she wished he was only down because of a ridiculous cuff on his ankle. She pressed her hands to the bleeding wound on his abdomen, pulling the Force around it in an attempt to keep Kylo's blood inside him. "Help!"

"There!" Shadows approached, and Rey blinked up at the somber face of Poe Dameron. His left sleeve was ripped, and soot covered his skin. A hoverbed floated behind him with two other Resistance members, and it lowered onto the ground next to Kylo.

Rey helped them lift Kylo onto the bed and followed it over a bank of sand. Poe put a hand on her back and spoke into a comm on his wrist. "They're alive. Transporting to the infirmary ship."

The hoverbed sped up, and Rey raced after it, ignoring Poe's call after her. She skirted past droids that sprayed something onto a flaming X-wing and nearly ran into some Resistance members as they ran past. She fell behind the hoverbed and watched a droid meet it at the ramp of a large, cylinder-shaped ship. She reached the ramp and turned back to take in the scene.

Smoke plumed from the engines of the enormous Star Destroyer that was slowly sinking into the sand bank. Rey was used to going into old Destroyers to scavenge, but this one was nearly three times the size of the Imperial-era ships. Ships emblazoned with the Resistance symbol flew slowly over the wreckage with bright lights scanning the durasteel. If they could get all the fires out, there was likely a lifetime's worth of things to salvage in there. The Jakku scavengers would have a field day once the Resistance cleared out.

"Miss." A robotic voice next to Rey's ear made her jump. "My scan indicates that you are injured. Please come inside."

A pain that was not her own raced through her stomach. How could she have forgotten about Kylo so quickly? An urgent part of her mind told her to run to him, but her legs did not want to do more than shuffle on the ramp. Stars, her mind felt as if the smoke in the air had also fogged her thoughts.

A couple of droids flitted between cots through the brightly lit space, spraying synthflesh on wounds and administering injections to wounded members of the Resistance. Coughs nearly drowned out the low hum of the ship's engine, ready to leave in a moment's notice. Rey avoided looking at the very back of the room where long shapes were wrapped entirely in dirty white cloth.

Medical staff members surrounded one cot with a droid hovering over them, speaking in short, strained words to each other. Rey felt her feet drifting over to them. A droid said something to her that she did not register as she glimpsed Kylo's dark hair between two staff members. She reached out, not hearing a clipped voice, and gripped Kylo's limp hand.

He did not squeeze back, and Rey finally realized what the fog in her mind was. It dissipated, and she tightened her grip on Kylo's hand as she desperately dumped every ounce of her energy into him through their bond. She collapsed to the durasteel floor just as he had in the sand and heard his gasp before her vision went black.

* * *

"Dear stars, I thought being a scavenger meant you knew how to survive."

Rey glared up at Kylo and sat up slowly. "You apparently don't have that instinct."

He snorted and then winced. "I've survived this long, haven't I?" His skin nearly matched the white of the thin sheets of the cot, and a tube of red liquid – blood, she told herself, he had lost so much – fed into the crook of his real elbow. Despite that, Rey could feel his energy, the sharpness of his thoughts. He sat on the side of her cot, his eyes tracking the movements of one of the medical staff as she and others dashed from patient to patient.

Rey watched them, too, feeling a sense of urgency crackle through the Force. "What happened while I was out?"

"Something in the Destroyer blew, I think. Took down some of our ships." Kylo looked down, his fingers playing with the severed end of his cybernetic arm. His guilt flowed through the Force, and he swallowed a few times before murmuring, "If I had taken him out years ago, this never would have happened."

Rey ran a hand over his shoulder, noticing for the first time some tubing on the back of her hand feeding her some clear liquid. "You didn't know. He was doing something to you, then, remember?"

Kylo gave a brief nod, his eyes closing. "There's so many dead."

The little energy in Kylo's body seemed to escape as his shoulders sagged. He lay down, not caring that it was Rey's cot. She reached to run her left hand through his hair but found it was tightly wrapped and strapped to her body. "There are so many lives saved because you followed the Light. Because you killed Snoke."

Kylo stilled, an unreadable expression on his face. Slowly, the joy rose through the bond with his laugh. "He's dead. Snoke's dead." He tilted his head, a grin growing across his lips. "I'm free."


	3. Year II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut between the asterisks, if you would like to skip.

It was not like Kylo did not want to live. He did, of course, want to feel rain on his skin, spice on his tongue, Rey in his arms. But the only way for the galaxy to heal was for everyone associated with the First Order to turn to dust.

Snoke and Hux were dead by his hand. Phasma dead by Rey's. Most of the other generals and high-ranking officials had been executed or locked away never to see a sun again over the past year. As a Force user, someone who had ties to Vader and had killed more than he even knew, Kylo should have been one of the first to go to the shooting squad. But no one seemed to want to finish his trial.

He had sat through argument after argument calling him a monster, someone who only pretended to fall in love for his own gains. People screamed at him, one of the last known faces of the Order. But still others spoke of his bravery, even claimed him to be a friend (which shocked him when those words came out of the mouth of someone other than Rey) and said his powers would help the new government establish peace.

Kylo just wanted to pay back the families who no longer had children, husbands, wives. Stars, he wanted to pay back the families who no longer existed because of the war.

He stood before the council, his wrists held together by glowing cuffs that were more symbolic than confining. He could easily break the durasteel with a twitch of his fingers, but he was not going anywhere. His eyes found Rey's, who stood at the front of the audience assembled in a circle around them. She gave a strained smile, her anxiety sparking through their bond.

He loved her and her optimism. It was a direct contrast to the internal deprecation of his own thoughts. She was hopeful that the verdict would be a full pardon so that they could finally settle down on a planet like Kiros or Scarif. Kylo had entertained her hope and agreed with her, but they both knew he was lying. The realistic side of him knew the best the council could do was exile him, although there was no payback for the families he had destroyed in that outcome.

"This verdict concludes the trial for the crimes committed by Kylo Ren, birth name Ben Organa-Solo, during the intergalactic conflict between the First Order and the New Republic with the Resistance." A short young man with blue eyes held a datapad as he addressed the room. Kylo knew him as one of the Resistance Commanders who had led him away after his initial surrender to his mother. He was only a few years older than Kylo, but grey streaked noticeably through his blonde hair. "For those who do not know, I am Commander Joph Seastriker. The other members of this council include Kaydel Connix, Vober Dand, Suralinda Javos, and the esteemed Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo."

Seastriker paused for a moment and cleared his throat. The audience seemed to be holding its breath with a mix of hostility and hope radiating through the Force. "We want to assure the people of the New Republic that this council was selected so that none of us hold ties to the defendant. We do not have family that were killed by his hand or orders, nor are we friends with him. This is as fair a trial as possible."

Even without Force-sensitivity, Seastriker seemed to be able to feel the tension in the air. He took a deep breath. "That being said, this council has taken into account the testimony heard at this trial and looked back at submitted records of Kylo Ren's actions both as a First Order agent and as a member of the Resistance. We have decided," he paused again, although Kylo could not decide if that was from nerves or dramatic effect, "to grant Kylo Ren a full pardon."

The room erupted in both relieved laughs and angry outbursts. Kylo's own mind raced just as much as their words. A full pardon? He had been Snoke's enforcer. So many were dead because of him. And now they would not even let him pay for his actions or give those families justice.

Seastriker raised a hand and yelled over them. "Please, please. This is the decision of the council. Kylo Ren was instrumental in bringing down the First Order by destroying both General Armitage Hux and Leader Snoke. Without him, countless more lives would've been lost. We understand potential complaints, but we believe Ren has served his time as a prisoner for the past year and redeemed himself sufficiently to be a productive member of our new alliance." He raised his voice to a point where he was almost screaming over the noise. "This concludes this trial."

* * *

Free. Truly free except for his own conscience.

For the first time, Kylo allowed himself to envision a future with Rey. They could be together, actually be together, unlike the past three years of communicating through a bond and occasionally seeing each other.

They could have a family.

He immediately pushed the thought from his mind. He did not deserve to have a family. Not after destroying so many.

A soft knock came from the door, although Kylo felt Rey's presence in the bond before she called, "Kylo? It's me."

He waved a hand, allowing the door to open behind him with the Force. She stepped in, but he continued to shove some clothes into a small bag. Rey's joy mixed with his self-loathing through the Force, and she let out a long sigh. "You can't leave. You just got out of prison. You just got this room."

"Apparently, I can do whatever I like now." The words sounded harsh, and Kylo winced before turning back to Rey, who did not attempt to hide the hurt. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I should be where I've harmed so many."

She stood in front of him and placed her hands around his waist. "I know you feel guilty and wish you had been punished," she raised her hand to cut off his protest, " _which you have been,_ but I don't think you realize how much good you can do here. The more you help the new government, the more you can help heal the galaxy."

Kylo pressed his lips together and shook his head. "Every time I see my reflection, I'm reminded of what I've done. I was supposed to be the redeeming grace to clear the line from my grandfather, but instead, I became him. People will only ever see the monster because that's all I see."

Rey threw up her hands. "Stars, why do I have to keep telling you otherwise?" Her arms crossed, and she shook her head at his bewildered expression. "You've had far too much time to sit in a tiny room and think about all of the things you've done. You can use your powers to help clean up the planets still in ruins. You can help keep the peace. You can become Ben Solo again."

Kylo gave a bitter laugh. "Did you hear those arguments at the verdict? Even if I change my name, no one but you trusts me."

"More people than you think trust you." Rey moved close again, her eyes wide, imploring him with the Force. "Please just think about it."

Kylo leaned down and kissed her. Not a small, gentle kiss that had been most of their relationship under the ever prying eyes of holocams, but a forceful one that he hoped conveyed his love for her. His hands, one real and one gloved, went up to cup her face, and she gripped his hips.

He tasted chocolate on her lips, and nearly gave into her completely before forcing himself to pull away. He closed his eyes as they both caught their breaths. "I-I can't… this isn't fair to you. I'm leaving."

Rey's lips were dangerously close to his as she whispered, "If you leave, I'm coming with you."

A needy part of Kylo wanted her to never leave him again, but he answered with a traitorous choke in his voice. "They need you here."

Rey's fingers traced his collarbone through his shirt and slowly made their way down his chest. "We've waited too long – kriff, we've waited _three_ _years_ — to be together long-term. We saved the galaxy." She kissed him briefly and then trailed her lips to his jawline. She murmured softly, "We deserve it."

Stars, this woman would be his undoing. She already was, really, for helping him embrace the Light and undo part of the monster. Her teeth grazed over his skin as she made her way down his neck slowly. He caught her lips with his own again and ran his real hand over the curve of her breast through her shirt.

Her hands tugged at the hem of his shirt, tugging it out before they ran under the clothing to touch his stomach. He shuddered for a moment, and she slowed to allow him to get used to the idea of someone touching his skin after so long.

Kylo slowly undid the lowest knot in her hair, giving her indication she could continue. She smiled up at him and moved her hands up further as the hair from the second knot fell to her shoulders. He slipped out of his shirt entirely, and Rey's hair fell free. He ran his hands through the brunette strands as she explored his scarred chest and stomach.

Their lips met again passionately, and Kylo took a few steps back to sink onto the bed. Rey followed him without breaking the kiss and straddled his lap, her right leg shoving his bag aside and onto the floor. She pulled off her vest and shirt in two swift motions and let Kylo unhook the band around her chest as she returned her attention to his neck. She kissed and suckled at his skin, paying special attention to spots she could tell were more sensitive by his reactions in the Force.

Kylo's gloved hand wandered her bare stomach while his real one played with her breasts. He rolled a nipple in his fingers, eliciting a low moan that she did not try to suppress.

His cock ached against the confines of his trousers, and Rey dropped her hands to rectify this. She freed him from his basics and wrapped a hand around his hard length. He shuddered under her touch and closed his eyes, enjoying the pleasure that raced through them both through the Force. "Rey…"

He leaned forward and kissed her breasts as she stroked him. He latched onto her nipple and sucked gently, running his tongue over the sensitive skin. They both groaned. "Oh, Kylo."

They shifted together, their boots thunking to the floor before Rey lay on the bed. She lifted her hips and allowed Kylo to slip off her trousers and basics. He took in the beautiful woman for a long moment before he kissed her desperately, his real hand slipping between her legs to feel her wetness. Her hands ran through his hair, and she squirmed in shock and pleasure as his fingers found her clit.

His hips ground against hers in primal want, and he positioned himself at her entrance. His heart beat erratically in his chest as he pulled away from their kiss, pressing his forehead to hers. "Ready?"

She nodded once, and Kylo slid in slowly, taking cues from the Force to slow down and allow her to get used to him inside her. She shuddered around him, her eyes tightly shut, but she nodded to let him continue. Soon, he had driven completely inside her. Dear stars, she felt better than his wildest dreams.

Although the Force told him she was all right, he did not trust his own mind with the euphoria clouding his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and ran her hand down his sweaty chest. She wrapped her legs around his hips. "Yes. Go."

He braced himself on either side of her head and pulled back before thrusting in again. Her walls clenched around him, and he groaned, picking a steady tempo as he thrust in and out of his love. He bore his weight on the cybernetic arm and moved his real hand to play with her clit. He caught her moan with his mouth with an eager kiss.

She moved her hips with his, allowing for more friction against her clit. A heat formed in his lower belly, and he picked up his pace. He rubbed her nub harder, beginning to lose the steady rhythm as he pounded into her. She clenched around him, nearing her own climax. Her hand moved to her own nipple, playing with it until she gasped, her body shuddering around him. Two more thrusts, and Kylo spilled inside her.

They stayed together for a long moment, sucking in heavy breaths. Kylo pulled out and lay next to Rey, the blissful fog still clouding his mind. He kicked away the messy blanket and wrapped an arm around her waist.

She turned her head to kiss him again. "I love you."

In the morning, he was gone.


	4. Year IV

The sun reflected off the speeders as they raced by the windows. Rey tracked a particularly flashy luxury speeder that carried two Twi'leks toward a spiral-shaped building. Her hand absently flipped a smooth stone in her hand.

She should have taken the day off. The Force itself seemed to share her turmoil. Organa had offered her the day, even offered to take her to one of those new establishments where they rubbed your muscles and gave you sweet treats. She could not remember what those places were called, but a new one had opened that a few of the Galactic Representatives praised.

"Rey? The council is convening in five minutes."

She closed her hand over the black stone and turned, shoving it in a drawer as she smiled at the short Togruta woman. "Thanks, Sarla." She walked down the hall, taking the datapad from her. She flicked her finger over the screen to read the information. "What's on the agenda again?"

"Oh, the Representative Committee wants the council's recommendation about the recent crime wave on Kiros." Sarla tapped a rapid series on her own datapad. "The Pamarthe pilots also want to start up the Gauntlet races again, which would probably start the Five Sabers, too."

Rey thought the races sounded like fun to watch and probably even better to partake in, but the other members of the oversight council likely would not. Stuffy, pompous former generals and leaders of the Resistance, none of them seemed to want to let anyone in the galaxy have fun, save for Organa and herself.

The thought crossed her mind that Kylo would likely be on the council, too, as a key player in bringing down the First Order. But their bond had withered unused in her mind and the Force for a year. He had left her to help usher the galaxy into peace without a farewell in his own self pity, and she resented him for it.

She took her seat in the conference room, nodding in greeting to the chubby Mon Calamri already there. She braced herself for some barking words from him but soon realized he did not yet have his backup in the form of the other council members. The bulbous eyes flicked to the lightsaber at her hip, and she did not attempt to hide the roll of her eyes as she dismissed Sarla.

Stars, if Kylo had wanted to punish himself, there was really no better place than for that than the bickering council.

"Ah, good. I'm glad your lovely new staffer can actually usher you to these things early," Leia Organa said cheerily as she took a seat next to Rey. She gave a smile tinged with sadness. She reached into her pocket and held out a handful of sweets. "Since you didn't take me up on the spa day."

So that's what those establishments were called. Rey grinned and plucked a sweet from Leia's palm. "You shouldn't have."

Leia shrugged and rubbed Rey's shoulder for a moment. "Well, I needed some, too." She sighed and added softly, "Today marks one year since he left. Two since Snoke fell. It felt like treat day."

Rey picked at the wrapping around the sweet and nodded once, swallowing past something she was sure was not supposed to be in her throat. "Yes."

"Everyone's here. Let's get started." For once, Rey was glad for the Mon Calamari's rough voice. She needed to go back to resenting Kylo, not missing his brown eyes that might have been soft had he not led a hard life.

A man with gray-streaked hair stood and cleared his throat, beginning to drone on about how dangerous races like the Gauntlet were to daily business in the galaxy. Rey flicked through the information on her datapad absently, sucking on the sweet to prolong the chocolate flavor.

And that was when she felt the bond zap to life.

* * *

The hat was so hot, Kylo had to continually remind himself that his skin would fry in five minutes without it. The paved marketplace was crowded with beings, most non-human, who clustered around shop stalls talking and laughing with each other.

He adjusted the brown bag on his shoulder, made sure his cybernetic right arm was completely covered, and made his way through the crowd. He needed to make enough to restock his supplies before the end of the day.

He felt the small bag hidden in his pocket. He had enough to buy some food later. He paused at a shop stall, pretending to examine the jewelry as he glanced at the bottom of the adjacent cart. He made a mental note of the number and letter - 7G - sprayed in small writing and headed back down the street.

Kylo counted the stalls with green overhangs as he went. As he reached the seventh, he slipped between two carts, avoided crashing into two hooded Jawas, and entered a narrow alleyway.

"There 'e is." Two figures, a tall human and a stout Toydarian whose small wings flapped to keep him half a meter in the air, moved toward Kylo. The human held a long, thin box. "Fresh batch, stronger than the last ones."

Kylo handed the man a handful of credit chips and took the box. "Thanks." He flipped open the simple latch and counted. Thirty syringes labeled with a dose and a half of what he had given himself the past few months. "What planet next month?"

"Eh. We're thinking Jakku." The Toydarian sniffed and rubbed his flapping trunk of a nose. "There's plenty of good stuff coming outta that Star Destroyer that crashed there a few years ago."

Kylo shut the box and stuffed it into his bag, allowing the movement to conceal his expression while he regained control of it. He did not relish the idea of returning to that particular planet, but the two beings in front of him were the most reliable suppliers with a reasonable price for the syringes. He did not think ticking them off would help him keep a low profile. "All right. See you in a month."

He started down the street and checked the little chronometer wrapped around his wrist. Just under an hour before he needed to be back at his ship. He exchanged the last of his credit chips for some dehydrated food that would likely taste awful but would last him a while if he rationed properly. The stall owner, a bubbly young Togruta who Kylo suspected was tending the stall for her parents, seemed so excited to actually sell the food packs that she gave him a small bag of sweets for free.

He trekked back to the shipyard, hoping he might be able to find someone who needed mechanical work in exchange for a hot meal. Most of the ships were locked with the owners nowhere in sight, however, and the few that were around gave him looks that clearly told him to move along. He unlocked his shuttle and listened to the familiar whir of the ramp close behind him.

Kylo tossed his bag onto the long bench that doubled as his bed. He ripped off the ridiculously warm hat and ran a hand through his hair. He would need to cut it again soon or it would get long enough for people to recognize him.

The bag slid down the bench and toppled onto the floor. Some of the dehydrated packs of food scattered across the floor, and Kylo raced forward, checking the box to ensure the syringes remained intact. He took one out and set it on the bench before hiding the box behind a loose paneling near the pilot's chair.

Scooping up the scattered dehydrated food packs, Kylo's fingers brushed against something smooth, and he dropped the packs as he picked up the white stone.

Rey.

Kylo dropped to sit on the floor, running his thumb over the surface. He swallowed past a lump in his throat. He purposely distracted himself every time she came to mind. She represented a future he could have had if he had not followed Snoke. But he had, so he did not deserve her. He would only taint her life. Besides, he could not disturb the galaxy as just a member of the crowd, and neither of them needed thousands of eyes watching him screw up.

The stone lifted from his hand and hovered in front of his face. He had not meant to get Rey messed up in his life. By the stars, he should be dead, not pining for a woman who had moved on already. He should have stayed, especially after sleeping with her. Just another tick on the list of 'Reasons Why Kylo Ren is an Asshole.'

He raised his hand to touch the stone again and suddenly wrenched himself out of his thoughts. The Force buzzed around him, brighter than he remembered, and he lunged for the syringe on the bench. It slipped from his fingers and crashed to the floor, the shards ricocheting off the walls.

The bond zapped to life.

They were planets apart, but he could feel her. Rey. Her presence, her distant shock, flooded through him.

He fumbled at the paneling and took out the box, grabbing another syringe. He pulled back his sleeve and shoved the needle through the scarred skin, administering the drug.

The life of the Force slowly faded. Rey's anger and confusion hit him in a final wave.

_I'm sorry._


	5. Year V

"I don't know anything!"

Rey raised an eyebrow, moving her free hand to the saber at her hip. The Toydarian squirmed under her forearm that had him pinned to the wall. "Oh, yes you do. You were on Tammar a year ago, Jakku the month after that, D'Qar after that. Every planet you're on, an A-1 shuttle lands on the same day every month." Her voice lowered, and she tried to put a dangerous edge into it to mask the pain. "It's the only pattern."

The Toydarian's wings twitched feebly against the wall. "We have confidences of our customers. Nothing you do will make me – "

"I have a bag of credits." Rey tapped the bag around her waist. "Twice whatever he pays."

The Toydarian stopped squirming, and his beady eyes darted to the bag. The greed was palpable, even without the Force telling her that he liked the idea. "Twice you say?"

Rey slowly took her forearm off his scaly neck, watching him closely. "Twice. I'm a member of the Representative Advisory Council. I assure you, I have enough."

The Toydarian's wings flittered, and he lifted off his spindly legs to hover to her height. "Enough, you say? Then three times what he pays or no deal."

Rey pulled out a handful of credits and shook her head. "Twice, and I'll let you keep your snout."

The entire insect-like body twitched. "All right, all right. I'll tell you." He held out a three-fingered hand demandingly.

Rey raised a finger. "Ah, ah. Information first."

After a moment's hesitation, the Toydarian sagged, but his eyes remained on the credits. "We sell him a drug with magnetic Force containment beads diluted in renatyl. Every month, we meet on a different planet where he buys a month's supply. Never asks any shady questions, just wants the goods and leaves."

Rey handed him a few credits, withholding the rest as she eyed him. "When are you meeting next?"

The Toydarian snatched the credits, his eyes on the rest eagerly. "This afternoon."

* * *

Kylo climbed the shuttle ramp, rubbing his sleeve over the new scorch mark on his hydrospanner. His stomach was full for the first time in months with some dish that the grateful Twi'lek had given him for fixing the faulty engine on her cargo ship. He had never seen the dish before, but it had been warm and likely full of carbohydrates that Kylo did not get enough of in the dehydrated food.

He dropped the hydrospanner back into the small container with a clunk against the other tools within. He pressed the button to raise the ramp behind him and started toward his datapad, planning to check the HoloNet for postings for a mechanic or pilot before he flew back to the Unknown Regions.

"You know, any self respecting Force user would have me pinned against the wall or immobilized by now."

Kylo froze, the hairs rising on the back of his neck. The last person to break into his shuttle had ended up with several blaster wounds, and he had needed to make some expensive repairs to his cybernetic arm. Somehow, thought, he suspected this time would either be much different, or he might lose another limb. He turned slowly to see the owner of the voice he had not heard in two years.

Rey.

She sat casually on the bench with one leg up. The black jacket that clung to her arms over a grey shirt looked more expensive than it likely was. The box of syringes sat open on the floor, and she examined a lightsaber hilt nonchalantly before she finally looked up at him. "But I suppose you're no longer self respecting, so I can't expect you to notice."

Kylo stayed rooted to the spot. Without the Force, he could not tell how angry Rey was with him. "I didn't think an esteemed member of the Republic Advisory Council would break and enter. Or rummage through someone's personal belongings."

She huffed a laugh and stood, crossing her arms. The corners of her lips twitched. "You know I can take whatever I want."

Kylo stepped back to keep space between them. Despite two years without her, every cell in his body screamed for him to pull her close and never let her go. "You shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you." She raised her chin and gave a small smirk. Being a leader, a Jedi, suited her. She looked beautiful, powerful, as she stepped closer. "I can take whatever I want, and for Force knows what reason, I still want your pathetic ass."

She raised the hand not holding the lightsaber and closed her fist. The box on the bench splintered apart, and the syringes inside shattered into useless pieces. Kylo took a step forward, his hand flying out in a futile attempt to save the drug.

Rey raised an eyebrow and tapped his arm. He pulled it back quickly, ignoring the tingle of want that went through him from the touch. "So you do still have the instinct to use the Force. You just refuse to have your gifts."

"That drug," Kylo growled, his eyes narrowing, "makes me _normal._ A member of the crowd, not a superpowered, mystical warrior that you and my _mother_ and everyone elseseem to want me to be."

"But you're not destined to be normal!" Rey's shout echoed harshly against the small confines of the shuttle. She breathed sharply through her nose, her eyes narrowed in fury. "That drug makes you even more stupid than you were. You know we're supposed to be together, and you know you're supposed to lead. I never thought Kylo Ren was a coward until he ran away from everything."

Kylo crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to give into the part of his mind that wanted to comfort her. Kiss her. "That drug keeps me from screwing up your life even further." He pressed his lips together and turned away to stare out the viewport. "You've flourished without me around. You're a leader. You're a damn good leader. You don't need the taint of Kylo Ren, grandson of Darth Vader, keeping you from your life. From ushering in the Republic's new policies of peace."

"I'm glad you're not even pretending you haven't been keeping tabs on me. I can't say the same." Rey scoffed, and he tensed as she moved closer. "Everyone on the council thinks alike. Five men who all think solely for themselves. They outvote Leia and me at nearly every turn." She took his shoulder and forced him to turn to get her hand off him. "No one can give their perspective on how the First Order operated or what their members went through because they're all dead or in hiding. And those alive don't have your skills. There's so much more we can do. Together."

She shoved the lightsaber hilt against his chest, making him take it. "You carried that with you for two years. But I'm assuming you haven't activated it, or I wouldn't've needed to find you."

Kylo stared at the lightsaber. Snoke's saber that he'd had pulled from the dead man's small hand. He had kept it tucked at the bottom of his bag in case he ran into trouble a blaster could not handle. But he dreaded having that need. The red blade reminded him too much of the abuse. Of the consuming Darkness. Of a time without knowing Rey.

He frowned at her. "I activate this, and when I get no urge to come back, you leave."

"That's a poor negotiation, but fine. Go ahead. I have nothing to lose." Rey rolled her eyes, and Kylo began to feel a spark of annoyance in the air.

He glanced at the broken syringes. His full Force sensitivity would be back within an hour without a dose. He wondered whether his suppliers were still on-planet so that he could get more after Rey left. He let out a slow breath and closed his eyes, thumbing the switch.

The low hum filled the air. Kylo opened his eyes and rolled them at Rey. "What did you think would… happen…"

Instead of the blood-red that had haunted him for years, the blade shined a pure white. Kylo checked the hilt. It was still the same one that had tormented him years ago.

He stared. "You switched the crystal."

"You know as well as I that crystals are a rare commodity. I wouldn't waste one just to get you back." Rey gave him a dry look. "You _did_ leave after sleeping with me."

Kylo brought the saber closer. The light burned into his retinas, but he did not look away. "The crystal… purified…"

He spun the blade to make sure it was real. The tip snapped against the durasteel ceiling. He swallowed heavily. "I… I thought… I never thought I'd be free of his influence. Of the darkness."

The Force was beginning to buzz with life again. The white saber called to him like an old friend, and the bond slowly rekindled to life in the back of his mind.

He lowered the saber, loathe to leave the bright white just yet. "I'm so sorry." He shook his head slowly. Even with a white lightsaber, he was not worthy of Rey. "I'm so, so sorry."

He deactivated the blade and blinked at Rey. She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth to likely say something snarky before Kylo pulled her against his chest. She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his shirt. "Stars, you're a kriffing idiot."

Kylo laughed and kissed her long and hard. "I love you, too."


	6. Year VI

Blue and white light shown against the worn, slime-covered walls. Kylo adjusted his grip on his lightsaber and took a light step forward. The Force crackled around him, warning him of danger, but he could sense no other beings anywhere close enough to attack. The Force was thick, though, as if the generations of Jedi had left residues, and the temple kept their memories alive by radiating the Force to other sensitives.

"If this was a ship, I'd say this is a really terrible scavenging site," Rey grumbled behind him. "There's nothing valuable here." Her foot bumped a piece of rubble, and it bounced into the dark corridor ahead with loud echoes.

Kylo raised the humming white saber and stopped. Rey smacked into his back. "Hey! Don't stop suddenly; I have a lightsaber here."

"There's inscriptions on the walls." Kylo switched hands with his lightsaber and brushed at the green, slime-like substance with his gloved cybernetic hand. "I think we're getting close."

A shiver ran up his spine, and they both spun around, settling into defensive stances. Their lightsabers brandished toward an empty corridor. Rey stepped forward, gripping her saber hilt with both hands. Her wariness and anxiety radiated through the bond. "I think we should get out of here."

Kylo shook his head, starting back down the hall. "We did not get past that Force containment shield to turn around because we get the creeps."

"You're going to owe me for saying that, you know." Rey trailed him, scanning behind them. "With our luck, something is going to attack us."

Kylo laughed softly, the sound echoing ominously down the corridor. "Ten more minutes, and if we don't find anything, then we'll head back."

"Agreed." Rey's relief flooded through the Force. "This is the creepiest temple we've found. Either something really useful is here or nothing at all."

Kylo ducked under a door that was stuck open horizontally and entered a large space. Rubble crunched under their boots, and sunlight filtered in through a hole far above them. Shelves littered the room in various states from fully intact to lying in pieces on the floor. "This is it. The old Jedi archives."

He stepped forward, and a cold blow sent him sprawling a few meters away. His lightsaber clattered to the floor. Kylo blinked several times as his vision spun the room. He thought the blow had given him a brain injury until he realized Rey could see the six transparent figures, too.

Kylo held out his hand and closed it around his lightsaber. He stood slowly, his heart pounding in his chest. "What were you saying about an attack?"

Rey shook her head, her free hand held out in front of her to keep space between herself and the figures. "We only seek knowledge. We don't want to steal."

The figure directly in front of her raised an arm and pressed its hand against Rey's blue lightsaber. The blade hissed and crackled for a moment before retreating back into the hilt. Genuine fear raced through Kylo and the bond.

When the figure spoke, the voice sounded ghostly. "There are never pure knowledge seekers. All decide to use that knowledge to kill, harm, and oppress. We are the Guardians of this Temple. Leave now, before you become one of us."

Rey and Kylo exchanged looks. Kylo clipped his saber to his belt, realizing it was useless, and held up his hands in surrender. "We are the last Jedi. The only living Force users with knowledge of the Jedi Order." The creepy eyes of the figures shifted to him, and Kylo swallowed before continuing, "Our teacher, Luke Skywalker, passed this last year without imparting all of his knowledge of the old Jedi. We only seek to know our roots."

The figures remained silent, but Kylo got the impression they were communicating with each other. Kylo shifted closer to Rey, sensing her tension. Without warning, cold hands that Kylo expected to pass right through him touched his forehead, and he found he could not move his limbs. Rey's shock in their bond told him they were doing the same to her.

Moments of Kylo's life flashed through his mind. His childhood running around his parents' flat with toy blasters. Snoke's thoughts tainting his mind. Training and traveling with Luke. Ordering the massacre of the Jakku village. Meeting Rey. Driving the cross-bladed lightsaber through his father and then again through Hux. Himself on his knees before his mother in surrender. His first kiss with Rey. Their first anniversary on Quermia. Their second anniversary infiltrating Snoke's ship and destroying the menace. Their third finally as one. That time he had drunk himself into a stupor six months after he had forced himself into exile. Their fifth anniversary together again with the white lightsaber. Traveling to the ruins of Jedi temples with Rey to find more information.

Kylo found himself on his knees, panting heavily. His muscles trembled as he took Rey's hand. They were going to kill him. He knew it. They had seen every terrible thing he had ever done. A part of him was glad Rey was at his side, but he did not want her to watch or die with him.

He met Rey's wide eyes, holding onto her through their bond. After a long moment, a smile spread across her face. He stared in confusion.

"You embody the union of the Force." The figures started to fade. "Our knowledge is yours."

* * *

Kylo settled back against the side of the shuttle, his head resting almost perfectly into a dent. The ruins of the Jedi Temple sprawled a small distance away. The sun cast orange light across the horizon, mixing with the deserted orange and brown landscape of Ossus.

He liked traveling, even if it was only a few days away from the New Republic. Their comms were off, and the obscure planets they went did not have the holocams constantly watching his every move. Not to mention the old men on the council would never travel this far from Coruscant.

Rey settled next to him, crunching a sweet in her mouth as she wrapped an arm around him. He ran his real hand slowly through her free hair.

She shifted, and the bag slid over to them, shoving aside the remains of their meal. She dug through it and pulled out one of the three holocrons they had taken to study. "So what do you think is in this? Lightsaber tips? How to be a Jedi without having a relationship?" She rolled her eyes and turned the holocron in her hands. Kylo felt the Force compress around the holocron, but nothing happened. "Maybe one will show how to open these?"

Kylo laughed and took the holocron, examining it closely. "I think they have secrets about the Force. At least some of them, anyway. But I thought the Force would open them."

He held his hand out, willing the holocron to open with the Force. It shuddered in the air before dropping onto the blanket underneath them. He tried again. "I guess we do need instructions."

Rey grabbed another holocron, which opened immediately. A holo of a young Togruta smiled at them. "Hello. I am a survivor of Order 66. I recorded my story and hid this holocron in the Ossus Jedi Academy in hopes that a new generation can learn from the Jedi Order's past mistakes."

Rey shut the holocron down and shrugged at the first. "Maybe it's empty?"

Kylo examined the first holocron and nodded. "It must be." He paused and glanced at Rey. "We could record our own story?"

She took the holocron back, nodding slowly. "We could. You have to admit that our story is unique."

Kylo snorted softly and grinned. "Just a little unique. Only a few bumps in the road."

Rey smiled brightly. "You know, this is the first time we've actually gotten to _celebrate_ our anniversary. Our first on Quermia doesn't count because you were using that stupid drug, then, too."

"Sixth time's a charm, I suppose." Kylo grinned and kissed her. "Happy anniversary, Rey."


End file.
